A Comprehensive List On Being Your Very Best Self
By Gail-Elaine Tinker, M.S., Psychotherapist
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen,
As a Psychotherapist, I often see women at their worst states in life. I am honored that they entrust me with their vulnerability. They arrive broken, ill, harried, tearful, confused, angry, burnt-out, frustrated, and in need of support. Psychotherapy can be an excellent tool to help a person who has been over-wrought emotionally to regain balance and to redefine life for themselves. Many are at a transitional stage of life and need to overhaul entire sections of life; financial, legal, medical, familial, marital, employment, or school, and each has an emotional component. A therapist or clergy member is a valuable tool to assist a vulnerable person through such transitional times.
This comprehensive list can help anyone navigate the choppy waters of life by determining solution to real needs. By regaining balance and empowerment over themselves, life may not seem so overwhelming. This is not an overnight checklist, but a set of lifetime mile markers. You can work on these goals with your therapist on in your journal, as they are all high aspirations and will lead you to life success. Do not get caught on the temptation of trying to be do this list ‘perfectly.’ These are an “outline of wisdom,” not a TO DO list, per se; even if actually doing these things are excellent. I do not want people torturing themselves over such a full list in the name of perfection. Understand?
Being Your Best Self: 17 Ways Toward Empowerment
Awareness and Self Knowledge refers to the idea of keeping your eyes and wits about you as you are out and about. Also getting to know your own beliefs in all areas. “I don’t know,” will not be your standard answer anymore, you’ll know how you stand on matters because you will have taken the time to think about things.
Language Matters comes from self-knowledge; when you know what you believe, you must have the words to say those beliefs. You need to develop the ability by practicing, which does not come over night, to “say what you mean, and mean what you say.” You are an honest, honorable person, “Your word is your bond.” This also refers to profanity. Know when to use it for emphasis, and not as a place holder for lack of proper, precise words. People respect those who know proper language usage and they go farther in life.
Positivity and Visualization: Positivity means seeing the world as it is, not as you’d like it to be, but with a faith that all is as it is supposed to be. Visualization is when you put forth a positive idea and hold it up as goal for yourself, and ‘see’ yourself in imagination achieving your goal. It has been shown via many social studies that people holding these belief patterns are happier and personally successful. Example: a vision board holds up your goals for the future where you can see it so it ‘imprints’ on your consciousness and becomes a reality in your thought and action.
Never Tolerate Abuse or Violence refers to the rise in casual abuse of women and children. I do not care to speculate why; the only point is to halt it immediately. No one, for any reason, needs to hit, yank, pinch, slap, punch, spank, or hurt another person. In children it is called Abuse, in adults it is called Assault; both are reportable to the police. Being a part of it on either side ruins your success.
Independence and Self Sufficiency refers to the idea that everyone needs the ability to know how to care for their own basic needs. They need to know how to cook basic foods, wash clothing, keep themselves clean, make a bed, drive, ride a bus, count money, use a bank account, shop at a store, clean a bathroom, etc. Everyone needs their own money. Everyone should be able to work if they can or wish to. If you are married, you should be able to have some money to yourself, even if it is a little.
Develop Discernment refers to a practice of understanding the full consequences of an action. Let’s say you buy a blouse on impulse. This is not a crime. At the time you tell yourself a narrative of one of many reasons why you get the top. You can afford it. But you have 4 others like it. You don’t really need it. It does not bring your more than the 20 minute ‘retail therapy’ rush or numbness of buying it. It hangs in your closet, unworn, until you give it to charity. There was a lack of discernment and your energy went down, there. If you can figure out what you need and what you do not need, your life force will flow better. What was going on when you needed retail therapy, that is the question? This is but a small example of discernment.
Notice Procrastination means when you catch yourself putting things off it is a sign that ‘things are not right.’ You need to check up on yourself; are you eating, sleeping, exercising? Do you need to see your counselor? Go through your recent journal entries, is something off? Of course you want to stop procrastinating, rather than beating yourself, see it as a sign. It is a symptom.
Connect to the Spiritual or Philosophical: people who believe in something outside themselves are happier and healthier. Cultivate whatever this means to you. Read, watch documentaries, talk to people, visit places of worship, go to cultural festivals, ‘try on’ different practices for a month at a time to see how they ‘feel’ to your soul.
Everything Matters, but You are not the Center of the Universe this idea refers to people who either do not believe that anything about them is of interest whatsoever or people who believe that everything about them is utterly fascinating, and have the need to tell everyone all day long. There is a middle road; find it. Learn to listen to other people. People trust others who share something of themselves.
Seek a mentor, coach, or therapist refers to anyone who is enduring a life change. Psychotherapy is not just for ‘crazy’ people, it is for mentally healthy people who are wanting to be their best. It is for people who are divorcing, drinking too much, had a car accident, watching porn, unemployed too long, gambling, angry with their mother, has chronic back pain, worried about their kid, frustrated with their coworkers, grieving a spouse, and so on. None of that is crazy, it just is. A mentor or coach is another approach: sometimes a therapist can do life coaching or a person can be a mentor in your industry.
Keeping a Journal and Writing; many successful people write in a journal every day to gain personal insight. This practice is meditative, it is therapeutic, is increases writing ability, and it helps give perspective in good times and bad. There are many pre-written journal formats to be bought if you need help; such as gratitude journals, prayer journals, and daily quotation journals.
Exude Self-Confidence via Posture is a universal tip for confidence from the ages. Slouching is an epidemic due to computer and cell phone usage. Honestly, when we see a soldier, policeman, or ballerina…. someone who has been trained to stand straight; we are often taken aghast by how amazing they look. If you want to look good, command attention, and feel empowered; simply stand and sit straight.
Develop Mindfulness refers to the practice of gently keeping your mind in the present (away from worry), attending to present time, mind, body, and environment. Knowing that all this is more easily said than practiced, the ancient Zen masters who developed this, came up with exercises and the practice of meditation, which is a time of sitting in quiet and allowing you mind to empty and focusing on easy breathing. Many scientific studies give glowing reviews of the impact of meditation on mental and physical health. Many successful people find time to practice this discipline each day.
Care for Your Body Like a Treasure is the notion that you have only one body, so you must care for it lovingly as the precious thing it is. While the human body is very forgiving, do not abuse it with lack of sleep, poor hygiene, casual sex, drugs, anorexia/bulimia, alcohol, unsafe sports, fatty foods, cutting, sedentary ways, riding without a helmet, unsanitary piercings/tattoos, unnecessary surgeries or medications, crash dieting, risky behaviors, etc. If you treat your body well, it will house you happily for over one hundred years and help you do your work without pain. So much information is available on conducting a healthy lifestyle; trainers, fitness gadgets, and dieticians are affordable to many people.
Goal Setting and Planning: Dream Big is a rather large concept. Many successful people create a life plan. It is not something they talk about and it is rarely written in stone, but like the ‘visualization’ step, this plan is a way for a person to set out their idea and figure out how they will go about achieving it bit-by-bit.
Make Connections, Networks, and Friendships is a sophisticated task of adulthood. The essence is about joining groups; religious, business, union, parent/teacher, community, etc. Of course you would be meeting people, developing relationships, learning to relate with those who you like and dislike. You will meet those who can help you get ahead in life and those whom you can assist in the lessons of life. This is where much of your personal work will show itself.
Reading and Continued Education is another advanced step. When you are able to balance the early steps mentioned with ease, or at least without stress, then consider continued education. Can you go farther with your degree or gain a certification for your career? Would a language or a topic make you more marketable or competitive? If you were able to write, do math, or computers better, would it help your life?
YES, this is an exhaustive list which will guide you to a full, balanced, and highly effective life. This is a list that if someone followed everything all the time, they would be PERFECT… and I do not know anyone who fits that description. You can know all of these things, in depth, and still, forces deep within you, are not ready to accept one thing or another in doing the very best for oneself. But I assume that if you are reading this, you want something ‘more,’ you want to do ‘better for yourself’ in whatever way that means for you. Empowerment means exactly that, finding that way or means.
Copyright 2016 Gail-Elaine Tinker
Gail-Elaine Tinker, M.S, RM, CH, NCC, LPC is a Psychotherapist in private practice in Lehigh Valley, PA. Gail-Elaine specializes in treating trauma, chronic-pain, victims of narcissism, transition, and grief. Gail-Elaine uses state-of-the-art techniques such as talk therapy, hypnosis, reiki, transformative art, and mindfulness. Sh
e writes blogs on her website, tinkerpsychotherapy.com, on her professional FB page, tinkerpsychotherapy.com/facebook, and twitter, getinker@twitter. You may contact her at gailelainetinker@yahoo.com or 610-216-4319 during business hours.
