Coping with the Death of a Pet

by | Apr 18, 2016 | acceptance, AUTISM, CHRONIC PAIN, communication, counseling, development, divorce, empathy, evolution, gratitude, GRIEF, insomnia, journaling, life-hack, personal growth, psychotherapy, TRAUMA, Uncategorized, WOMEN, writing

TearYour Pet’s Death is a Significant Loss

Gail-Elaine Tinker, M.S. Psychotherapist

Many people feel an intense bond with their animal companions in life, so encountering their departure from our lives can be as traumatic as losing a family member. For many people a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat.” Pets are beloved members of the family and, when they die, they feel a significant loss. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, one should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for an animal friend.

Grieving for people, animals and things, is a personal and highly individual experience. Some people find grief comes in stages. Others experience grief coming in waves, like series of highs and lows. The lows are likely to be deeper and longer at the beginning and then gradually become shorter and less intense as time goes by. Still, even years after a loss, a sight, a sound, or a special anniversary can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief. If any of this process becomes too burdensome for you to carry on your activities of daily life, you should seek out the support of a counselor or clergy.

Some folks do not value the lives of animals and tend to mock those who grieve their deaths. There are those in this culture who are uncomfortable with love and grief emotions. I would simply advise not to allow anyone to tell you how to feel. Allow your natural feelings without embarrassment or judgment. If your own friends, family members, therapist, or clergy do not support you in the grief of pet loss, find someone who does. I would suggest outreach with others who have lost pets via online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups, humane society groups. If anyone feels ‘stuck’ in their grief for the death of their beloved pet, a compassionate counselor would not consider therapy to be ‘silly;’ so go ahead and make the appointment. Sometimes things like this kind of grief trigger things from the past and they feel very large internally. Should you feel like you are in danger, you can call 911 or your local crisis counseling hotline and someone will talk to you about the overwhelming feelings of grief, depression, hopelessness, and impulse to do harm.

 

General Tips for those who are grieving a pet

  • Understanding the process by which your pet died can help ease your mind. If this means discussing the disease, accident, or euthanasia, the fancy name for humane and merciful death, your veterinary doctor or assistant should be willing to give you the information you need to ease your worries.
  • There are many sensations within acute grief that are completely normal. The most distressing are hallucination-type experiences that leave an impression that you are hearing familiar sounds of your pet walking or calling. Some people even think that they see their pet out of the corner of their eye, especially after just waking up. Countless folk hear the tinkle of their pet’s tags, etc. after they are gone. The key to coping with this phenomenon is not labeling yourself “crazy” and keeping busy with meaningful activity. If it becomes overwhelming contact a mental health provider experienced with grief issues.
  • Rituals can help healing. A funeral or memorial can help you and your family members openly express your feelings. Ignore people who think it’s inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet, and do what feels right for you.
  • Create a legacy. Donating to charity, planting a shrub, or flowerbed in memory of your pet, compiling a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise sharing the memories you enjoyed with your pet, can create a legacy to celebrate the life of your animal companion. Keeping a memento of your pet such as a framed photograph is highly appropriate, if it comforts you.
  • Look after yourself. The stress of losing a pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Take extra care in your driving. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly to release endorphins and help boost your mood.
  • If you have other pets, try to maintain your normal routine. Surviving pets can also experience loss when a pet dies, or they may become distressed by your sorrow. Maintaining their daily routines, or even increasing exercise and play times, will not only benefit the surviving pets but may also help to elevate your outlook too.

 

Tips for Seniors to cope with pet loss:

As we age, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including the loss of beloved friends, family members, and pets. The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder than younger adults who may be able to draw on the comfort of a close family, or distract themselves with the routine of work. For older adults who live alone, the pet was probably your sole companion, and taking care of the animal provided you with a sense of purpose.

  • Try to Find New Meaning In Life. Caring for a pet previously occupied your time and boosted your morale and optimism. Try to fill that time by volunteering, picking up a neglected hobby, taking a class, helping friends care for their pets, or even by getting another pet when the time feels right. (The humane society is over-run with senior-age-pets who need loving homes, and you may be the perfect person.)
  • Stay connected with friends. Pets, dogs especially, can help seniors meet new people or regularly connect with friends and neighbors while out on a walk or in the dog park, for example. Having lost your pet, it’s important that you don’t now spend days alone. Getting out, regular face-to-face contact can help you ward off depression and stay positive.
  •  Boost Your Activity Levels with Exercise. Pets help many older adults stay active and playful, which can boost your immune system and increase your energy. It’s important to keep up your activity levels after the loss of your pet. Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program and then find an activity that you enjoy.

 

Helping a Child to cope with pet loss

The loss of a pet may be your child’s first experience of death and a parent’s first opportunity to teach about coping with the grief which inevitably accompanies the joy of loving another living creature. Many kids love their pets very deeply and some may not even remember a time in their life when the pet wasn’t around. A child may feel angry and blame themselves—or you—for the pet’s death. A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. How a parent handles the grieving process can determine whether the experience has a positive or negative effect on your child’s personal development.

 

Tips for a helping a child cope with the loss of a pet:

  • Keep the above general Tips in mind and be willing to TALK with children
  • Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of the pet. If you don’t experience the same sense of loss as your child, respect their grief and let them express their feelings openly, without making them feel ashamed or guilty. Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.
  • Reassure your child that they weren’t responsible for the pet’s death. The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not also likely to die. It’s important to talk about all their feelings and concerns.
  • Be careful with ‘euphemisms’ for death around children. Don’t say we put Sparky ‘to sleep’ or ‘took him to the farm’ when you actually mean death …say ‘death’ and explain it in age appropriate terms. Do you want the child to be afraid to go to sleep or to visit Sparky at the farm? No. Death is a reality we must face, better not to complicate it with sleep and farms.
  • Involve your child in the dying process. If you’ve chosen euthanasia for your pet, be honest with your child. Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in his or her own way. Vets are trained to assist. Counselors at school can also assist.
  • If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet. This could be a special photograph, collar, tag, toy, or a plaster cast of the animal’s paw print, for example.
  • Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss. Ritual is important. Drawing pictures, making scrapbooks are great projects!
  • Do not rush out to get the child a “replacement pet” before they have had chance to grieve the loss they feel. Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by adopting a replacement.
  • Read aloud age appropriate stories about animals and loss. The classics: Bambi, Old Yeller, The Yearling, Charlotte’s Web as well as books listed on amazon.com for grief may be of comfort.

Coping with the death of a beloved pet can sometimes be the template for how we cope with the deaths of the people we will need to face in our lives. Coming to terms with this grief will help us learn to cope with future grief and help us to be resilient and well-rounded individuals. It is yet another life-giving gift we gain from having animals grace us with their love and companionship.

Resource ASPCA WEBSITE– http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/pet-loss/

 

  • imageGail-Elaine Tinker, M.S., RM, CH, NCC, LPC has a General Practice of Psychotherapy in Lehigh Valley, PA. She specializes in Trauma, Grief, Addiction, and Chronic pain/illness issues. She uses Reiki in her practice as well as Hypnotherapy and Transformative Art. Gail-Elaine offers individual, internet, small group, workshop, and advocacy. If you care to avail yourself of the offer of one free email question and reply with me of a non-emergency nature, please email through my website. For anything else, you may call 610-216-4319 or tinkerpsychotherapy.com.
  • Copyright © 2012-2016 – Gail-Elaine Tinker

 

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