Use of Metaphor In Psychotherapy: does it help or hurt?
By Gail-Elaine Tinker, M.S., LPC
Licensed Psychotherapist
When a client describes to me that her anxiety feels ‘like a lion is sitting on her chest’ or that his ‘depression feels like he is trapped in a very dark pit,’ it is understood that these are metaphors for emotions which are difficult to quantify. They are not literally trapped in a dark pit, it is more about feeling heavy and hopeless. This is because often there are physical manifestations of emotional issues; such as the chest heaviness or the emptiness within.
Therapists sometimes employ metaphors to explain the sensation of the emotions felt or goals in improving behaviors. For example, if a client says that she feels like ‘her spouse is like a steamroller to her emotions in the relationship,’ I might ask in which areas does she feel ‘squashed.’ If a client explains that due to severe anxiety, he feels ‘as if the words are stuck in his throat,’ we might work with the idea of how he might ‘unclog’ his throat and give ‘voice’ to his anxiety. If a client says she feels ‘ignored and abused by her co-workers,’ and it is ‘like being shunned;’ then we find out exactly how limiting in communication is and deal with her feelings of being ignored and excluded in her work environment.
The ‘is like a…’ phrase denotes the metaphor; ‘the diamonds shone around her throat, like stars in the heavens.’ No one thinks the actual celestial stars are on her neck, we understand that the necklace is very brilliant and glistening against her skin. Metaphors are very useful in therapy, as they convey feelings deeper than the said words. An astute therapist often repeats such metaphors to check their emotional accuracy. Does the panic feel like a rabbit, a lion, or an elephant on your chest, stomach, back or throat? Many times, metaphors and analogies are discovered when clients do journaling or writing exercises.
It is not wrong to describe a person whom you distrust as, he’s ‘like a snake in the grass.’ Together, the therapist and client can explore what makes this person seem hidden, slithery, or uncatchable. This can be the therapeutic “Ah-Ha” moment to understanding the root issue. A therapist might ask, “do you know of any others who remind of you of a snake?” Client: “No, but I used to refer to my dad as a weasel.” Therapist: “OK, good. In your mind, how do snakes and weasels differ?” The “ah-ha” moment of realization is that the reason why this person bugs you; it is due to experiencing your unreliable father. With this knowledge, the client can be more prepared to deal with the reframed information to the betterment of her life.
Sometimes laymen have no idea what metaphors mean. For instance, you can argue with your children that they are behaving ‘like bulls in a china shop,’ yet no matter how accurately described their rowdiness and lack of care, some children or adults struggle with these concepts. If your metaphor is met with a puzzled look, be prepared to be literal in explaining that you fear they make break something. ‘Bull in china shop’ may not only describe the chaos, but also conveys your flustered bewilderment with the excess energy. The person who doesn’t understand wonders if by calling them a bull, do you think they are fat or stubborn?
Finding precise words for feelings can be a difficult chore. However, mastery of feeling words and concepts always improves your communication abilities. If I tell you, I feel ‘as high as a kite’ or ‘fit as a fiddle,’ do you know that I am happy and healthy? Would it be better if I simply state, ‘I feel happy and healthy’? More than likely, distilling your abstract feelings into a succinct feeling word improves understanding in your listener. If you feel ’mighty pissed off,’ wouldn’t it be better to say, ‘very angry’?
Language matters. This brings up the more common use of curse words in our vernacular language. I have clients who punctuate nearly every word with the f*bomb. It isn’t used for emphasis, as in, ‘I feel f*ing pissed when she says that!’ However, “when she says that, you have no idea how annoyed I feel” leaves one with a more accurate understanding and there is no f*bomb to distract. No one literally means ‘using the toilet’ when they say “shit,” right? “When mom saw it, she shit her pants,” did mom soil herself or was she surprised?
Speech matters, especially in the description of intense feelings. If you want to make yourself well understood, take the time to understand and describe your feelings. If you tell me, “I feel very anxious,’ rather than, “I am as jittery as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs;’ the first might be accurate and the metaphor might strike the listener as a humorous, vivid picture of your anxiety. I would ask you if you felt this anxiety in your body or in your head/emotions? There is no right answer, simply how YOU feel is important. But if you convey to me, “shaky, unsettled, room-spinning, and fear,” I’ll ask if that is anxiety or another feeling.
Humor, cursing for emphasis, and the use of metaphors and analogies have their place in communicative language as well as psychotherapy. It is well documented that we use different languages of English at home, at work, at school, with the police, at the doctor’s, and in psychotherapy. Should you tell your doctor that you feel “like you are wearing f*ing concrete boots on your feet,” there will be a question in her mind as to if you feel tired, depressed, or are experience an actual weight in your legs and feet. The f*bomb will be a distraction, not an emphasis term such as ‘very heavy.’ I leave it to you to elect the way you want to describe your experience.
Gail-Elaine Tinker MS, LPC is a Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice in Bethlehem, PA. She works with those enduring chronic pain, life transitions, addictions, trauma, and grief, as many of these issues intertwine. She also does Reiki and Hypnosis to the betterment of her clients. She has been accepted as a provider for many mental health plans. Should you desire an appointment, you may call directly at 610-216-4319 between 9am and 6pm EST. You may leave a confidential VM.
